209: What Rest Actually Looks Like When You’re A High-Achiever

 Welcome to Shoot It Straight, the podcast for women building businesses and lives they actually want. I’m Sabrina Gebhardt, and around here we believe in clarity over hustle, alignment over burnout, and giving yourself permission to want more: more ease, more beauty, more income, more space to live. So if you’re ready to grow without losing yourself in the process, you’re in the right place.

Welcome back to the Shoot It Straight podcast, my friends. I’m so glad you’re here today. We are talking about taking care of yourself when your default setting is the Energizer Bunny. When your default setting is green means go. This episode truly is written for me, by me, because I understand this so deeply.

I used to think that rest meant doing nothing You know, you hear people say, “Oh, you should slow down. You should rest more. You should take time off,” and I immediately used to picture just stillness, staring at a blank wall, meditation, just completely stopping. And that did not feel good to me. That did not feel like fun.

It didn’t, certainly didn’t feel productive, didn’t feel like it was something I could allow myself to do. Also, it wasn’t tempting. It just was not tempting at all because my normal setting is go, do, achieve. I wanna talk about this today because I know that for someone who is wired like I am, which is many of you, we’re the Enneagram threes, we’re the first-born daughters, we’re the type As.

If you are all three of those together, we’re in this. Um, rest can look different for us, okay? Rest can look completely different for us because some people think about those things. They think about the meditation, they think about the sitting still and staring, they think about the absolute pause, and that sounds dreamy to them.

That doesn’t sound good to me, and I’m sure it doesn’t sound good to you. It took me a long time and a lot of burnout to figure out what rest looks like and feels like to me, what feels good to me, and what actually replenishes me, okay? Gives me the true reset that my body needs and my mind needs, okay? I know that many of you are high-achieving women.

I love that about us. Go us. Uh, many of you pride yourselves on hustle, and you often wonder, because I hear this from you, I hear this in my DMs, I hear this when I meet you in person at conferences and whatnot, that you’re depleted. I hear that you’re drained, that you’re running on fumes, that you’re empty, that you’ve given everything over to your business and to other people, and there’s nothing left, but you’re still going.

This episode is meant to reframe rest, the definition of rest, as something that we can build intentionally, not something that you have to collapse into. You know, not something that’s on the other side of the burnout wall. So, let’s, let’s get into this. Let’s, let’s start off at the very beginning. You know, we’re the high achiever gang.

Most of us, most high achievers call rest, and I’m, I’m putting air quotes around that. This is what we’re doing. This is what we claim we’re doing when we’re resting, and hint, these things aren’t actually rest. These are things that we say we’re doing. Oftentimes, you can see us sitting down and scrolling on our phone I will also insert here going on a walk and listening to a podcast.

I will also insert here laying in bed and watching the videos of a course you just bought. Sure. In all of those situations, you are sitting, walking, or laying in bed. Sounds like rest, right? You’re not doing client-facing work. You’re probably not making any money. You’re not tackling a to-do list. But what you’re also not doing is giving your nervous system a break.

Your nervous system is still activated in, with all of those things. You are passively learning or passively consuming something. Even though it’s passive, you’re still on. You’re still on. Your brain is still firing. You are still making mental notes about what other people are doing, what other people are saying, how you could do things better, differently, whatever.

You’re still getting ideas. You’re not actually resting. You may be doing something nice for your physical body, sitting, lying down, going for a walk. Those are all great, but it’s the brain part that’s not actually rest, right? Sitting down scrolling on your phone is not rest. Even, let me insert this, even if it’s not looking at photographers, even if you’re on TikTok scrolling funny dog videos, it’s not related to your business.

You don’t have your business mind on, but you’re still not giving yourself and your nervous system a break. You’re still consuming content. You’re still paying attention to other things. So that’s not actually rest, okay? The passive consumption, the passive learning, your nervous system is still going, not actually rest.

That’s… We’re lying to ourselves there, okay? Here’s another one. You take a day off, but mentally you are running through your to-do list the entire time. Or, my favorite, you’re adding to your to-do list the entire time. Because when you take a day, quote-unquote, off, your mind is still going. You’re absolutely thinking to yourself, “Oh, yeah, I forgot I gotta do that.

Oh, yeah, I gotta reach out to that person. Oh, yeah, I have this idea I wanna try. Oh, I know what I’m gonna write in my next email.” It’s… You’re still… The list is growing or you’re mentally ruminating on the list. That’s not actually rest. Sure, again, in that situation, you may be hanging out with your kids, you may be on vacation, you may be running errands that you’ve needed to run, but your brain is still in it.

Your brain is still in it. You’re not actually giving yourself the mental break that you desperately need. Another one that I see so often, and I’m absolutely guilty of this, I’m absolutely guilty of this, my friend, is deciding to skip the gym because you’re tired And insert gym with Pilates, yoga, your run, whatever it is.

Whatever it is that you do to physically take care of your body, you decide to skip the thing that takes care of your physical body because you’re tired, and then what happens on the other side of it? You know the answer to this. You feel worse. Your energy is worse. Your mood is worse. You don’t get the endorphins.

You probably beat yourself up on skipping the workout. Why did you do that? You had time. You should’ve done that. And so that’s not, that’s not actually rest either. Sure, you may have slept longer, but now you feel like crap, which is gonna affect everything else later that day, and mentally you’re beating yourself up.

That’s not cool. That also affects everything else that you do Here’s my favorite, the productivity hangover is what I’m calling it. You rest. You actually rest. Okay? This is you actually rest. Let’s call it you went on a road trip on the weekend with your family, left your laptop at home, didn’t listen to a podcast, had your phone bricked so you weren’t scrolling.

You were locked in with your family, and you actually rested, but then you feel real guilty about it. You feel real guilty about the fact that you didn’t get galleries out on time, that you have inquiries in your inbox, that you didn’t respond to that client thing yet, that you didn’t post the content you said you were gonna post over the weekend, that you forgot to schedule the email that, that was gonna go out.

You feel real guilty about walking away from things to take that break, and therefore, you’re not actually, like, recovering. Like, it’s not sinking in because you’ve got this layer of guilt that’s like a film over the whole thing. So these are things that I see pretty commonly, and again, I am absolutely guilty of every single one of these things, but it’s where we claim we’re resting, and we’re not actually resting.

It’s no wonder we are drained and depleted. It’s no wonder we are hitting a wall. It’s no wonder that we have nothing left to give because we’re not actually doing anything to rest. All those things sound good. They even look good on paper. Not actually rest, okay? Now, let’s talk about what real rest actually does for your business.

This is not new news. You’ve heard me say this. I know you know this, but this is what we’re talking about today, so this is the reminder that maybe you need. Real rest is so important for you and your business, and I’m gonna give you three reasons. There’s probably 100 reasons, but I’m just gonna give you three.

Number one, your best ideas never come when you’re hustling and grinding, period. You know that’s true. When we are hustling and grinding, we don’t even have ideas generally. Like, our brain is in such hustle work mode that it’s not capable of creativity because we are so focused on the task at hand. Your best ideas always come in the shower, on a walk where you’re not on your phone, like a, a deviceless walk Or after you’ve had a really great nap or a really good night’s sleep.

I’ve had some fantastic ideas during naps before. One of my best ideas ever was during a massage where I was so unplugged and deeply resting and like brilliant idea came to me. Your best ideas come to you when your brain is allowed to stop and to pause. It’s not ruminating on the to-do list. It’s not racked with guilt.

It’s not passively consuming things. It’s not any of that. It’s truly given time to just wander and be imaginative and think about nothing. That’s when your best ideas come. And from what I hear and from what I’ve talked about recently on the podcast in a few episodes is you may need to do something different in your business.

Maybe things aren’t going well. Maybe you’re bored. Maybe sales are down. Maybe you don’t know what you wanna do next. You need some creativity, and creativity will not come to you when you are in constant hustle and grind mode. It will come to you when you allow yourself actual rest Number two, creativity requires white space.

I talk about this all the time. If every single hour of your day and every single hour of your week is filled with business things, with mom things, with quote-unquote personal development things, or self-care things, or social things, or whatever, you have no room for the kind of thinking that will actually move your business forward.

You have to give yourself white space, whether that’s an hour every Friday morning, or taking every Wednesday off, or taking the last week of the month off, or taking a sabbatical once a quarter. Uh, whatever that looks like to you, whatever frequency that is, regularly scheduled white space is what you need to really build the business, grow the business in dreamy ways.

That’s, that’s where you get those ideas. That’s where your intuition steps in. That’s where you’re able to realize, “Oh, that’s what I’ve always wanted to do,” or that’s where you have that insanely brilliant idea that, that where you literally… It’s, it’s a full body yes immediately because you’re like, “That’s it.”

That’s where that stuff comes from, white space, when you’re not working, going, doing, showing up, providing for other people all the time, every second of every day. Slowing down, giving yourself that white space is where creativity breathes. It’s where it lives. I know I compare this all the time, but that’s why kids, when they’re bored, come up with the best games.

That’s where they come up with the best imaginative play. That’s where they build incredible forts and come up with wild games where they’re mixing all of their toys together, and then they get their siblings in there, and they’re dressed up, and who knows what. It’s when they’re bored. We need boredom in our life, and that’s what white space is.

Number three, your energy is your product. People can feel your energy. Your clients can feel your energy. Your audience can feel your energy. Your family can feel your energy. Your energy is your product. So what you’re bringing to your clients, what you’re bringing to your content, what you’re bringing to people that you coach, people that you serve, your team members, whatever it is, whatever kind of business you have, it comes from you So let’s reverse that.

If you are depleted, and drained, and burned out, and overworked, and over capacity, what do you think you are feeding the people around you? You’re giving off the energy of, “I don’t have time to work with you. I don’t have time to take care of you. I don’t have the energy to serve you well. I don’t have the capacity to be the most creative with your session.

I don’t have the capacity to give you my all.” That’s the energy that you’re giving off, truly. I can’t tell you how many times I have coached a woman who tells me something to the effect of, “My inquiries are down. I’m just not getting as many inquiries as I normally do, you know, and I’m just… I’m a little frustrated.

I don’t, I don’t know why. Normally, this is a, a better time for me.” And we talk about, “Well, what’s going on personally?” And I hear that, “Oh, we’re in the middle of a move,” or, “Oh, I have kids that are graduating and moving on to this, that, and the other,” or, “Oh, we are in the middle of a big personal thing,” or, “Oh, we just got a big health diagnosis.”

And I pause and I say, “Okay, so it sounds like you have a lot going on, and you don’t actually have the capacity to take on more clients.” And every single time, the women literally have a light bulb go off, and they go, “Oh my gosh, you’re right. I couldn’t be booking more clients even if I wanted to right now.

I’m… We’re so busy with appointments. We’re so busy with the move, the renovation, taking care of our ailing parents, traveling,” whatever. And I have to remind them, as woo-woo as it sounds, their energy is being received. Their energy is being received. They don’t have the capacity, and therefore, they are not booking at their capacity.

Is there a part of that that could be true in your story? Your energy is your product. If you are only giving out drained, burned-out energy, everybody can feel it. You want to be giving out creative, well-rested, generous with time. You can’t give out that stuff if, if that’s not how you’re actually feeling I wanna tell you about what rest looks like for me in this season, truly.

What does rest look like where I’m actually resting, where I’m actually getting the benefits of the thing? It’s actually serving me well, and I am feeling it in my body, I’m feeling it in my relationships, I’m feeling it in my business, I’m feeling it in my creativity, and all the things. What is working for me now?

Because I am a higher achiever. I am somebody whose default setting is go, okay? I like to be productive, I like to move, I like to be the Energizer Bunny, but the older I get, the farther along in business I get, the more experienced with burnout and coaching other people through burnout that I get, I realize I have to build in regular rest.

I have to. I am better for it. So while my default setting is go, is productive, it’s achiever, it’s definitely dialed way down a notch than it was 10 years ago or even 20 years ago because I’ve learned these things and have built them in. So in my current season, I am lifting weights three to four times a week.

I enjoy it. Not everybody does. You don’t have to do that if you don’t want. But I am lifting weights three to four times a week. Uh, we happen to have a home gym. I am so thankful for that, but you could use, you know, weights in your bedroom. You could go to a gym, go to a f- with a friend, whatever. But for me, that mix of physical exertion and also the requirement to pay clear attention to the video I’m watching, because I like to lift weights with Caroline Girvan, if you have followed her.

If you don’t, she’s got tons of free content on YouTube and social media. Um, I have her app, and I love it. She’s, she’s gonna kick your butt. I’m sorry, not sorry. She’s great. We love her. But I have to pay attention to what she’s saying and what she’s doing, right? So I have to be locked in, and also locked in on what my body’s doing so that I’m not hurting myself, giving myself an injury, overexerting, whatever.

So, uh, not only am I, like, physically using my body, the endorphins, all the things, I’m also having to, like, pay attention to her. I can’t be ruminating on my to-do list. I can’t be rumin- ruminating on business ideas. I also can’t be worried about my, what I’m doing that day. I have to be mentally and physically clocked in for this lifting weights, right?

Helps me clear the mental noise. I personally like to do it in the morning, okay? During the school year, it’s really early. Uh, during the summer, it’s a little more chill time, maybe 7:00, 7:30 AM. I like to start my day like that Walking. Walking is normally a non-negotiable for me. I will say the summer is really hard ’cause it’s hot as hell here.

I try and either do it first thing in the morning on the days that I’m not working, not lifting weights, or end of the day, like 8:00 PM, with my husband and the dogs. But walking is a non-negotiable, and most of the time I am either talking with my husband, right? Like, if he’s walking with me, he and I are talking.

Or I am on Voxer with my best friend. She’s not a business person. So again, I am having a relational conversation with somebody, and I’m moving my body at a gentle pace. Okay? So I’m getting the endorphins, I’m getting outside, I’m getting fresh air, and I’m talking with people and thinking about things that are not related to my business.

Another thing that I do physical movement-wise is Pilates. I love Pilates. That has been a new obsession for me. I started Pilates in the fall of 2025, and I love it. I used to be a yoga girly. This has replaced yoga for me. I still love yoga, but quite frankly, there’s not enough days in the week for me to do Pilates, and lift weights, and yoga.

So I go to Pilates. I aim for three times a week. Most weeks I hit that. It has replaced, again, yoga for me, so it’s giving me that gentle movement, but also the nervous system regulation, because breathwork is just as important in Pilates as it is yoga, and that is huge for me. Huge for me. The taking deep, intentional breaths while moving alongside of those and having to focus on that the whole class is

You can’t focus on anything else. Again, it’s giving me an hour where I’m not running through a list, I’m not ruminating, I’m not stressed out. I have to focus on my breathing and what I’m doing with my physical body. I love it. Gets me out of the house, gets me into a room with other people, uh, mixes up the day-to-day, and that is very, very restful for me.

Things that are not movement related. Coffee shop rituals. I’ve got a f- couple, um, coffee shops here in town that I love, and I try on a weekly basis to get to one. Sometimes I will work from it. Sometimes I will just take some time to go pick up one, talk with the baristas, sit and drink it for a little while before coming home.

Again, it’s getting me out of the house. It’s getting me out of the house. Most of the time lately I have not been working there because I really just want it to be a break from my day. It is a break from running errands. It is a break from work. It is just … It’s like a little mental reset for me, and it’s like that little treat I make time every single day for screen-free hobbies.

Okay? Like I said earlier, when you are sitting and scrolling, um, that passive consumption is not helping you. So I am getting off screens every single day. I am a big reader, I’m big into needlepoint, and I’m doing both of those. Um, honestly, I do probably an hour of each every single day. Weekends, it’s way more than that.

Uh, but weekdays, I’m doing about that every single day. So two hours of screen-free hobby time. And I’m reading before bed, and then I’m doing needlepoint generally in the late afternoon, evening, happy hour time, uh, before dinner with my family. The, you know, the boys will be watching a show, my husband will be cooking dinner, and I’ll be needlepointing.

And so I’m in the living room with them, I’m still participating with the family, I’m having conversations, but I’m off the screen and engaged in something that clears my mind, that is fun for me, but that also puts me, again, in that relational space with my family, okay? It is very, very restful for me. The other thing that has been really big for me in the past couple years is protecting my home, meaning I’m trying

I have worked really hard to stop working outside of my physical office. I have an office in my home. I, I fully recognize not everybody has that. But if there’s a spot where you normally work from, you could claim it as your office. Dining room table, kitchen counter, bedroom, whatever. I do have an office, and I really try my best not to take my laptop out of here anymore, because my work lives in here, and I want the rest of my home to feel like personal home space, where we play games, where we take naps, where we read books, where we watch movies, where we laugh and eat dinner, and all of those things, and not have the constant reminder of my laptop on the kitchen counter, my laptop on the dining room table, my laptop in the same space where my family is.

And so that separation has been a good mental reset for me in the past couple years, because that did not used to be the case. You used to find my laptop, like, wherever I was, because I was squeaking in work every second that I could. When the kids were younger, if they were watching a cartoon, I was picking up my laptop.

I might be sitting there with them, but I would be working. Um, and I just … I’m not doing that anymore. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m allowing my home to be the reset that it needs to be. Um, and energetically, that has been huge for me I would love to encourage you to build your own, let’s call it a blueprint, like your own rest blueprint, so that you know what can actually refill you mentally, physically, emotionally to take care of yourself, right?

And I want you to think about what actually refills you versus what you think should refill you. Okay? Because again, I can talk about what refills me, but you may hate Pilates. You may hate lifting weights. You may hate walking. You may not think it’s cool to go to a coffee shop. Maybe you prefer coffee at home.

You may not like to needlepoint. Cool, cool, cool. You do you. Just because I say these things work for me doesn’t mean that you should choose them, too. I want you to think about what actually refills you. If re- if what refills you the most is going on a hike, find a way to go on a hike, even if it’s just once a week.

I don’t care where you live, you’ve got something hikable. Okay? You’ve got trails. You’ve got something. We live in the middle of a big city. We have no mountains. We have no beach. Uh, we have lakes, but they’re really, really far away. We s- we have hiking trails. There’s hiking trails everywhere. Find a way to make it happen.

If you love going on walks with other people and like yapping the whole time, invite somebody to go on a walk with you once a week. Find something that works for you and build it into a blueprint. The other thing I want you to know is that rest is fully personal If you haven’t gathered that by now, what works for you is truly personal.

It’s gonna be different than everybody else, like I just said. I don’t expect you to take my blueprint and line it up and feel rested after you do those things. You could hate every single moment of every single one of those things. I want you to find what works for you and own it because it’s personal to you.

And then I want you to start with one thing that you’ve been skipping, okay? Let’s pick one thing and build it into your schedule, and I mean put it on your calendar. Put it on your digital calendar, put it in your planner, and protect it like it was a paying client. So if it’s that walk with a friend, if it’s that hike, if it’s you’re gonna start running again, if it’s whatever, fill in the blank, put it on your calendar and commit to it.

It’s not moving. You’re not rescheduling something there. You’re not canceling. It- it’s happening regardless. Give yourself the gift of that thing. If you are super depleted, if you are super drained, if you are really scraping the bottom, it’s gonna take a little while for you to feel this rest kick in because you are so drained, okay?

It’s going to take pouring into the pitcher a little bit until you start to get filled up, so don’t think you’re gonna feel immediately rested after one thing. I just wanna set that expectation very clearly. It’s gonna take a minute, but commit to it. Commit to doing it on a weekly basis or a daily basis.

You don’t have to do a full overhaul right now, okay? We’re not setting 15 goals and then feeling like we failed. Just pick one thing, and then slowly you can add to it over time, but recommit. Stop doing the things that you’re claiming are rest and replace them with actual rest. Replace them with actual rest and things that will serve you.

Before I close, I wanna add this one thing. If you are listening to this and you’re like, “This sounds great, but my business needs me too much” My business needs me too much. I feel like I don’t have any clarity. I have a lot of work to do. I’m struggling with marketing. I’m struggling with pricing. I’m fill in the blank.

Uh, y- and you’re like, “I know all the things I need to work on in my business, but I just… I can’t find the time or the head space to actually do them, therefore, I also definitely can’t focus on rest,” I have a freebie for you. It is a 14-day business reset, and it is an audio freebie. It is 14 days of audio s- that will drop to your email, and they’re, like, three minutes or less.

So you can listen to it while you’re doing the dishes. You can listen to it while you’re on a walk. This 14 days walks you through resetting your business without technically adding anything else to your plate because, spoiler alert, a lot of it’s mindset related. So these are things where you can listen to day one while you’re doing something else, and then you can just ruminate on it.

Not in a bad way, but like a, “Oh, I’ve never thought about that way. Oh yeah, I do struggle with that. Oh yeah, that’s a good point.” And it’s 14 days of that, so that at the end of the 14 days, you’re going to have more clarity, more understanding. You’re going to be able to move forward in your business so that hopefully we can get you to a place where you can start adding rest back in because you feel like your business is taken care of.

So you can grab that at sabrinagebhart.com/business-reset. I will also have it linked in the show notes. My friend, rest is not a reward. Rest is not a reward for finishing your to-do list. For getting through your week, for hitting a dollar amount. Rest is an infrastructure that makes everything else possible.

You need it. It is mandatory, and here’s the, the good news. The more you’re, you allow yourself to rest on a regular basis, truly rest and take care of yourself, like we said, the more creative you’re gonna be and the stronger your business will ultimately become over time. You’re not lazy for needing rest.

You’re just a human. You need to take care of yourself. You need to accept the fact that we need it, and it’s also gonna help us, okay? It’s going to help everything get better because when we work on ourselves, when we better ourselves, we also better our business. So I would love to know what is one thing that you feel like genuinely refills your cup?

When you think about something restful that you know pours into you, come send me a DM on Instagram at xo.sabrinagebhart and come tell me, and I would love to chat with you about that. That’s it for today, my friends. We’ll see you next time. Thanks so much for listening to the Shoot It Straight podcast.

You can find all the full show notes and details from today’s episode at sabrinagebhart.com/podcast. Come find me and connect over on the Gram at xo.sabrinagebhart. And if you’re loving the podcast, I’d be honored if you’d hit that subscribe button and leave me a review. Until next time, my friends.